Well No Wonder I’m So Grumpy

I feel like a ticking time bomb. I feel like at any moment I’m going to lose it. Too many people around me all talking at once? Makes me feel paranoid, especially if I hear my name but I’m not part of the conversation. My boyfriend asks me a simple, unthreatening question? I instantly feel anxious and overthink everything he just said. I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy on the sectional with my sister and she has to pause the show to go to the bathroom? I feel full of rage and annoyance.

Welp, it’s back. The gift from hell – prednisone.

I think that my Gastroenterologist is the coolest cat in town. Seriously, he rocks. But the dude keeps wanting to put me on prednisone to keep my colon happy and healthy. Unfortunately, prednisone makes me feel angry and unpredictable. When I say it’s a gift from hell, it’s no joke.

My side effects from prednisone include, but not limited to:

• Insomnia
• Unpredictable mood changes
• Hot flashes
• Weight gain
• Increased appetite
• More susceptible to infection/illness

Well no wonder I’m so grumpy! I get swarmed by all of these emotions and body changes. Everything feels like it goes from 0 – 100 in all of about three seconds and I don’t ever feel prepared.

Prednisone has easily been the hardest part of my UC. Every time I get the call from my doctor telling me that I have to get back on prednisone I’m in a funk for at least 45 minutes. I need about 45 minutes to mentally prepare myself for all of the crap I’m about to go through just to feel healthy again. In all honestly, you might as well leave me alone for those 45 minutes, because I will be thrown off, annoyed, bitter, and won’t pay attention to you. (Totally not fair of me – I just can’t help it!)

While I was in Florida a few weeks ago I had to get back in the sone – (prednisone = the sone). Really, of all times? While I’m on vacay?! UGH. It sucked and I was less than thrilled. I got back into town and noticed that I felt extremely anxious and insecure. More so than I had in the past. Everything around me made me feel overwhelmed and on edge. I would get waves of minor depression or start bawling because of something that was basically nonexistent. If you’ve ever felt that way, you know how awful it is – even for the people around you because they experience it right along with you.

For me I feel this way because of my medication. However, I realized that depression and anxiety take a huge toll on those that it affects. Maybe they feel confused or embarrassed in everyday situations. Maybe they lash out over silly things at times and feel like there’s something wrong with them because of their emotions. It’s okay to feel this way but it’s not okay if you take it out on the people in your life. The most important thing is to recognize that you have all of these emotions piled up so you can address them in a manner that’s right for you. Maybe you need to be on anxiety medication, see a therapist, or even post everything on a blog (#BonItOut). For me, I sat down with my SO and asked him to be patient with me. I asked if he would remind me to take a few deep breaths then remind me of all of the great things going on in my life. There are times where I need the help of my friends and family so they can show me the beauty in everything.

No one is expected to be positive and happy 24/7/365. That’s not realistic. Eventually life happens and gets in the way. We need to stop beating ourselves up if we have a bad day. Everyone has a bad day every now and then! Emotions will get the best of us at times, we will lash out unexpectedly, and we will break down in front of others over the small things in life. We are all human and we are all perfectly imperfect.

So embrace your emotions. Recognize that they exist and instead of letting them control you, you control your emotions. Life is full of surprises, so let’s find the beauty in unpredictability.

#FindBeautyInEverything – The Bon